


My Love From The Other Side

by clexa_should_live_on_forever



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, But he's still a pervert, Gon and Killua's relationship will not be explicit, Hisoka is nice, M/M, Minor Gon/Killua, That Will Never Change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2021-01-05 17:47:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21212603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clexa_should_live_on_forever/pseuds/clexa_should_live_on_forever
Summary: Illumi Zoldyck from the canon Hunter x Hunter world enters a new one by accident.Or was it on purpose?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Down the Rabbit Hole](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4159518) by [schmetterlingstee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/schmetterlingstee/pseuds/schmetterlingstee). 
**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Illumi tumbles into another different zone and almost died when he met this world's Hisoka...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work is greatly inspired by schmetterlingstee's work called 'Down The Rabbit Hole'. Go check it out, I promise you won't be disappointed ;)
> 
> I loved her dynamics in the fic, so I thought I want to explore some parts of that, especially Hisoka and Illumi. I love how they interact in there so hopefully, I'm able to translate here into this fic as well. This is my first HisoIllu fic so please go easy on me. I made them OOC on purpose because I want to investigate their unusual dynamic here in the fic and I want them to be cute here so forgive me. 
> 
> You can find other works on my AO3 account as well, so if you're interested please go check them out!
> 
> I hope you guys will enjoy the chapter and the fic in general! I'll see you in the end notes.

A lone figure crouched on the slippery roofs of a massive tower. The weather in Yorknew hadn’t been the best lately, but it hadn’t stopped him from continuing with his assignments. In fact, it had spurred him to take on even more assignments, seeing as the rain made everyone stay inside, so it was significantly easier for Illumi was able to predict movements from his targets.

What he wasn’t able to predict, however, was his own downfall, minutes from now. But that wasn’t his fault, he didn’t possess clairvoyance.

Illumi was able to take out his target with practiced ease. Before he could take another step however, he found his feet glued to the floor.

Fear spiked within him as he tried to suppress it, taking in stock of his surroundings more. How could he fall for some trap? He had been using _En_ ever since he stepped foot in this building. Any foreign aura would already be registered in his memory, hidden or not.

_Hisoka_. He thought. _No, impossible_. The last time Illumi had seen him was on the ship off to the Dark Continent. Hisoka had been bent on removing every single Spider off the trace of this Earth, leading to his decision to stow away on the Black Whale, following the movements of all Spiders. Illumi had wished him good luck personally before embarking on his journey to Yorknew to complete more assignments.

It was near the end of the year, after all. More and more requests had been processed by Milluki and Illumi himself volunteered to take on the majority of the workload. Hisoka was gone, so there was no one to relieve him of his boredom. Illumi decided that immersing himself in work would be the best way to distract him from a gaping hole of loneliness, though he would never admit that.

So if it wasn’t Hisoka binding him to the floor with his Bungee Gum, then who did that?

There was no aura that bound him there, his _Gyo_ had made sure of it. So that means that this wasn’t the work of someone who wanted him dead. Could this be the work of higher powers? Illumi never believed in such superstition that Hisoka liked to spout from time to time. He mentioned once that his mother was crazy about it, thus rubbing off on him. Illumi has never been drawn towards them, so he was naturally confused about the state that he was in.

“Show yourself, whoever you are.” His head held high, he spoke with grace into the empty room, void of any living thing but himself. And maybe that potted plant there, but who knows, it’s probably plastic. His target lay askew on the carpet, blood gradually drying up.

A wave of dizziness suddenly hit him, and he swayed on his feet, unable to get his bearings. Before he knew it, his vision blacked, and he felt the cold floor on his equally cold skin.

~♥~ 

The sunlight felt really strong on his cheek and it’s when he decided that lying in bed was enough. He pushed himself up onto his elbows and squinted at the sun.

_Hmm…I could have sworn it was raining the night before…did the rain stop?_

The air felt too hot for it to be a cool morning that normally occurs after a rainy night, Illumi felt himself sweating up a storm. His shirt was totally soaked, and his hair was sticking to his skin.

_I don’t sweat…_

A thump sounded right next to him and his heart leapt to his throat. _Who’s there?! Who’s trying to kill me? Since when do I sleep next to anyone?_

Normally, Illumi would have reached the corner of the room and fired 3 needles at his assailant within milliseconds. Now, however, he couldn’t even make the jump off his bed neatly, choosing instead to crash into his bedside table, sending all items onto the ground.

**_Crash_**, went his alarm clock.

He doesn’t own one.

“Wuzzgoinon?”

Illumi lay sprawled on the ground, head spinning. He hated the nauseating feeling he got from being dizzy. From his position, it’s impossible for him to gauge the owner of the groggy voice. It clearly belonged to a man, what with such a deep and raspy voice. It could, however, maybe belong to a female with a very, very deep voice as well, but Illumi decided that the odds were higher for the former.

Creaking sounds emerged as the owner tried to scramble his way to where he heard the crashing sound. “Jesus, you know that I always have a raging hangover the next day, why would you- what are you doing on the floor? Get up, you silly idiot.” He yawned.

_Hisoka?! _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was a short first chapter, and I apologise for ending it on a cliffhanger. I promise the next chapter will be longer (why did I just type that, future me is gonna kill me).
> 
> Also, if you like Hisogon as well, check out my fic named 'A Different Fate'. It's really quite cute but if you're not into the ship then it's ok. Just please don't call me names like paedophile or other horrible names, thank you. Treat People With Kindness is my motto so please adhere by it when you're commenting ok? It will be moderated anyways, but I would rather not see them :>
> 
> Please leave a kudos if you enjoyed this chapter and I'll see you guys in the next update!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Illumi realizes that he's not in his world anymore, while Hisoka thinks that Illumi has a screw loose somewhere. Also, Ilumi can't cook.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for leaving you guys for so long, school has drained me into an alien, and no longer a human being. Also, the most recent chapter of 'A Different Fate' made me and my fingers cry so much, so I haven't updated in a while.
> 
> There is cuteness below and I'm positively squealing. It's too cute for words, I can't.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and I'll see you guys in the end notes.

What is Hisoka doing in his bed?!

“Hisoka. Weren’t you supposed to be on the ship by now? I hear that they left this morning at 9 am sharp.” Illumi fought the urge to pinch his nose, here he thought that he would be rid of this nuisance. Obviously, the universe got a bone to pick with him.

“Hmm? What ship?” Hisoka yawned. And…he’s clearly an idiot as well.

“The **ship**,” Illumi drawled, “that you were supposed to be on. To accomplish your target and whatnot. Killing the Spiders, I still wonder how thick you must be sometimes, to be able to attempt something so unthinkable.”

Hisoka was still looking at him like he had grown two heads. “Why do you need to board a ship just to kill some spiders? We have plenty of them in our house.”

Illumi was at a loss for words.

“Illu? Are you still there? Hellooooo,” Hisoka reached forward and gently knocked on Illumi’s forehead. “Earth to Illumi, come back Illumi.”

“Do you take me for an idiot? The Troupe, I was talking about the Troupe! Not normal spiders, you’ve got to be freaking kidding me…”

“Aww…Illu-chan is still not using the big boy words~ You’re so adorable, Illu-cha- Ouch!” Of all things to focus on.

Hisoka rubbed his head where Illumi had headbutted him. Illumi wasn’t faring better himself, some vomit rising up in his throat. This was a strange thing to him, normally he could headbutt people through the walls and not feel a twinge of pain. His head was like an iron ball, whatever happened to him for him to become so soft?

He had to find out, quick, before his enemies found out about his weaknesses and come for his life.

Hisoka watched Illumi get up onto his feet with half-closed lids. He was acting rather strange, stranger than normal, this morning and Hisoka wondered why. The pot he took last night certainly couldn’t be the cause; he choked on the first bite and refused seconds.

_Hmm~ How interesting~_ Hisoka hummed.

“Where’s the fire?” He smirked at the confused look that glazed over the raven-haired man.

“…There’s a fire? Where? I don’t smell the smoke.”

“Dude. Woah, dude. This isn’t you,” Hisoka chuckled nervously. Illumi was daft, but he wasn’t THAT daft. Something serious must have happened to him. Did he knock his head and lost his senses?

Illumi was confused, to say the least. The magician was still lounging on the bed, without a care in the world, despite the fact that he literally announced the presence of a fire in the apartment not two seconds ago. “Aren’t you going to get dressed and run? There’s a fire.”

“No, there isn’t.”

“But you said there was.”

“That was an exaggeration, I didn’t mean it literally,” Hisoka pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation.

“…Oh, is that what it was?” Illumi swayed on his feet before leaning on the windowsill to gain his balance. _No good, I can’t show that much weakness here, even if it’s just Hisoka._ No telling who would come through the window any moment to kill him.

“Yes…” Hisoka drawled, falling back onto the fluffy pillows with a dramatic sigh. “I’m hungry, could you cook something for us?”

“Why don’t you cook?” Illumi’s brows furrowed. He can’t cook to save his life, he was once banned by Cook in the kitchens back home when he was 6, nearly setting fire to the whole mansion. His mother had praised him for showcasing the ‘killer’ instinct he had in himself, but he was never allowed 10 meters near the kitchen area again.

“Because I’m hungover and you once threatened me with castration if I ever enter the kitchen and touch the stoves, even though that time wasn’t my fault, how was I supposed to know that the fire on the stove could be turned up so high?”

“But I can’t cook.”

Silence befell the room. Illumi found it hard to breathe in the suffocating atmosphere pressing down onto him. He met with Hisoka’s unblinking golden eyes, much like a cat, and saw the disbelief in them. _Shit, is he going to find out that I’m not the person he thought I was? Wait, why am I flustered about that, it’s no lie and I’m not going to lie to him about that?! _Illumi mentally berated himself, all the while keeping an impassive façade.

Hisoka’s eyes narrowed as he squinted at Illumi. _He’s not lying, but…how can that be? He’s the one settling all our meals when we moved into the apartment and now, he’s claiming that he can’t cook? There’s something fishy going on and I’m going to find out what._

“Stop being lazy~, I’m soooo hungry~” Hisoka whined and ran a hand through his bedhead.

_I’m clearly not in my world, Hisoka is whiny and pathetic sometimes but we don’t live together, unlike now. He also knows that I can’t cook so he won’t ever ask for me to make breakfast…Hmm…this is…illuminating, in a way. Hisoka doesn’t love drinking to the point of getting intoxicated as well; he doesn’t like being vulnerable, he likes being on top of things, very much unlike this Hisoka. _

_So that begets the question: Where am I? And how do I return to my world?_

_I should win his favour first, should he turn out to be as dangerous as the Hisoka from my world. I’ve lost my dexterity and Nen, it seems. I don’t even have my needles on me and I have them on 24/7 back home, so no one could catch me unaware. If he’s as powerful as he was back home, I’m in grave danger if I take a wrong step. There’s only one thing to do._

_It seems like I will have to do everything the Illumi of this world did in order to lower his suspicion. He’s starting to suspect that I’m different from what he’s expected from the Ilumi he knows, I’ll have to be very careful in treading around him. One wrong move and my cover will be blown. After lowering his suspicion, I will have to work on gaining his respect and observing how’s he’s like as a person, if he’s as dangerous as the one back home before I can tell him the truth. He could be a valuable asset in assisting me in my quest. _

“Very well, I shall…cook.” Turning on the balls of his feet, Illumi staggered robotically towards the bedroom door, before facing a white-washed wall. Peaking outside, he was slightly annoyed to see that there were two directions that curved outwards so he couldn’t see which direction the kitchen led to. _Guess I’ll have to take an intelligent guess. _

_My cover may be blown starting from now! Curse this stupid design, who on Earth would even build such an apartment layout and more importantly, who will ever buy a house that had so many blind spots?! They will be dead before they even take a step, anyone could be hiding behind those corners. Of course, only the Illumi and Hisoka of this world would be idiotic enough to do that, such tiny-brained men!_

It was technically impossible to guess if the kitchen was situated behind the left corner or the right. Illumi had no choice but to pick one randomly and hoping to God that he made the right decision (no pun intended). He took in a deep breath and started down the left. After a few steps, he was able to see the shape of a bar counter and mentally hi-fived himself. _Looks like psychologists were really onto something here. _

Now onto cooking. Here’s to hoping that he won’t burn the house down while doing so.

~◆~

“Illumi?”

“Yes?”

“…why are the eggs brown?” Hisoka quirked an eyebrow at his plate.

“B-Because they’re chicken eggs! And chicken eggs have brown shells, that’s why they look brown after cooking!” A flushed Illumi retorted. _God, what am I even saying?_

“…that’s not…how it works,” Hisoka frowned. _Or does it?_

“Yes, yes it is!” _Seems like I will have to bullshit my way through this huh._

“No…an egg should be white and the yolk yellow…”

“A-Are you saying I’m lying?!”

“Uh, no…I’m saying…that I think you have to go back to elementary school,” Hisoka mumbled, poking his fork at the burnt eggs.

_I want to go home._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Illumi can't cook, Illumi can't cook, Illumi cannot cook~ *Sings to the tune of 'Hermione Can't Dance' from the musical A Very Potter Musical.*
> 
> That part was so beautiful and I'm just imagining it all animated, like chibi forms, and I almost died of cuteness overload. I'm loving this ship so much, alongside HisoGon, I think these are my 2 favourite ships in HxH overall. ChrolloxKurapika and LeorioxKurapika are close seconds, but I don't see myself writing fics about them anytime soon. But who knows what the future holds~
> 
> I mean I never thought of writing Hisoka ship fics 2 years before, when I first got into the anime and manga, so how much a person can change~ I used to think that Hisoka was just a creepy pervert who should be avoided at all costs and now, I'm in love with his character. I...should go get help XD
> 
> If you enjoyed this chapter and/or this fic in general, please leave a kudos, it makes my day and also remind me to upload another chapter more often :P Do comment down below on what you think about the chapter as well, I'll reply to every single one :D
> 
> Thank you for all your love and support for this fic, I'll see you guys in the next update.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Illumi tries to create Hisoka's worst fear, unknowingly. Hisoka attempts to seduce him. Illumi arrives to a horrifying conclusion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, sickness my old friend~ I've come to visit you again~
> 
> I am so sorry for the long wait. I have actually devised a plan for this fic, MLFTOS, and my other HXH (Hisogon) fic, A Different Fate. So I'm gonna be uploading chapters for the respective fics alternately. Since I've recently just uploaded a chapter for ADF, it's MLFTOS's turn! 
> 
> Not an excuse, but I'm sick. So that's going to prolong updates a little, seeing as my command of the English language has been suffering as well as my body. Also, school has started for me, so I'll only be able to write during the weekends. I'll hopefully be able to update during the same week, but that could be a bit of a stretch. I am doing my best, however, so please don't leave me haha.
> 
> Thank you guys for all your support on this fic, I love you lots! I hope that you will enjoy this chapter and I'll see you guys in the end notes.

“Ohh…I don’t feel so good…” Hisoka moaned while rolling around the couch. Illumi fought the urge to smack him upside the head.

“There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. Get up.”

“I…think I’m sick. Won’t you help me?”

“Why should I?”

Hisoka gasped in mock outrage, “Your eggs were the cause of my illness! You can’t just leave me in the lurch like this! Are you human?”

“You’re exaggerating things,” Illumi huffed. He himself merely got a stomachache from the…brown eggs.

“Just because you’re some sort of superhuman doesn’t mean everyone is like you.”

Hisoka could sense Illumi’s frustration with him. He flopped onto his right side, glancing at Illumi’s small face through a half-lidded eye. He was always so cute like this, choosing to sulk when he was called out.

“…Fine, then I’ll make ginger porridge. See how you like it.” Illumi turned and stalked out of the room, leaving a terrified Hisoka in his wake.

_No! Anything but that!_

“Wait,” he finally managed to choke out, but it was too late; the slender man was already pulling out pots and ingredients, ready to make the Living Draught of Death.

“You don’t understand,” he tried again, but Illumi ignored him, chopping the questionable ingredients up with mad vigour. “…Illumi?”

He received a snort as a reply and sighed. No matter how strange Illumi was behaving this morning, he seemed to be back to his old, annoying, quiet, insufferable self. _Man, and I thought that he might have become a bit nicer~. Oh well~, Illumi is certainly very sexy when he gets into a temper~, Hmm~, maybe I could benefit from this as well~_

“Dear Illu-chan,” Hisoka noticed that Illumi froze at the sound of his own nickname. _Strange~, he was the one who asked me to address him as such~._ “Let us make a bargain, shall we~?”

_Hisoka’s bargains are normally dangerous, I will have to be on my guard. _Illumi turned and cocked his head slightly. “Sure.”

_Well~, that was easy~. _“I was thinking…why don’t you stop stirring that pot of doom and come towards me~? We will then head back to our comfy cocoon and I can do whatever you wish for me to do~. I can **really** make it worth your while~.” Hisoka leaned his back against the edge of the counter and tilted his head back. His shaggy, pink bangs fell over his crown in a heap as he pushed a slender hand against them, completing the look with his signature sexy smirk, painting a sexy, alluring image overall. _There is no way Illumi will say no to this, this is my trump card!_

“Are you still feeling unwell? The eggs might have been worse than I thought…I’ll just be done with the soup, give me a moment.”

“…eh?”

_This is definitely not the Illumi I remember. My tactics had never failed, never!_

Hisoka pointed an accusing finger at the long-haired man still bent over at the stove. “Who are you and what have you done to my Illumi?”

_Shoot! He’s onto me! Have I done something wrong? What have I done wrong? Fuck, he’s going to kill me now. He’s definitely going to kill me now._

_Alright, Illumi, be calm. Be calm. Pretend that you didn’t hear him right. _“I beg your pardon?”

“Wrong!” _I am most definitely fucked._

“You should be begging for me to fuck you in the room! What the hell is wrong with you? I told you to not eat the eggs, they’ve completely changed you! You always fall for that, why are we still in the kitchen discussing eggs?”

_Fall for what?_

Poor Illumi could only look on in slight confusion as the pink-haired man continued to rant on, pacing about the tiny space, throwing his hands up and shaking his head every few seconds. But what was he supposed to fall for?

His heart suddenly jolted. No…way. That cannot be. Right?

Was he supposed to fall for…the man in front of him?

Illumi made a mental note to himself to not eat his own cooking ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a very short chapter, acting kind of like a filler. It's obviously going to be a slowburn fic for Illumi to fall for Hisoka, so I'm afraid yall are gonna have to wait for about 10 more chapters at least before they kiss. But don't worry, in between, the sexual tension will be so much that I hope to hear that yall are screaming at your screens for them to 'just kiss and fuck already!'.
> 
> The next one will hopefully be longer, and as always, please leave a comment on your thoughts of the chapter and/or the fic in general and I'll see you guys in the next chapter!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Illumi re-evaluates his decision to ask Hisoka to help him. Hisoka is a pain in Illumi's ass...literally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suck at summaries, and I don't even know how to describe this crack-fic as a whole, other than a monster which spawned from some part of my brain which ships HisoIllu.
> 
> Sorry for not updating for so long, I'm not dead yet from my illness, am slowly recovering so thank God for that. It appears that I do not have dengue, so thank God for that too.
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy this chapter (forgive the length) and I'll see you in the end notes.

There’s no way. Absolutely not. No.

_He didn’t mean that._

_Did he?_

“T-There’s no way that I’ll do that! P-Pick something else!” _Damn, I lost it._

Hisoka stopped his nonsensical rambling and turned to look at a flushed Illumi, whose eyes were desperately drilling a hole into the marble tiles. _For him to jump into, perhaps_, Hisoka mused.

“Hmm~, seeing Illu-chan lose his composure never gets old~. Now, I’m getting all excited~.”

Hisoka flashed a predatory grin at Illumi. “Won’t you _play _with me~?”

Illumi’s heart skipped a beat.

“Get out of my sight. You disgust me,” he scoffed, turning his back on the chuckling clown once again, feeling his heart palpitate against his chest furiously. _I mustn’t slip up, it’s imperative. Get a hold of yourself, Illumi. You’ve hidden things from him before, much more important things. You can hide this one perfectly, do not let your guard down no matter what._

“Ohh~, you know just how to break my heart,” Hisoka held a trembling hand against his warm chest. _Illu-chan, you’re just too good for words~, it’s so fun teasing you~._

“You know me best, don’t you, Illu-chan~? It seems that I can fool anyone but you.”

“Shut up and get out.”

“Ohh~, how mean~. This is my house after all~,” Hisoka smirked.

Illumi froze. _His house? Did I misread it? How could that be? I had been so certain it was ours- no, his and the Illumi from this world. _

_No, it could be bait. He could be trying to bait me into revealing my cards. But why would he? He believes that I’m his Illumi, with a slight memory loss or something, there’s no way that he would even think that I’m someone else. Right?_

_I have to be careful. Very careful. _

“Have you knocked your head? We bought this house together, didn’t we?”

Hisoka licked his lips. No matter what occasion it is, Illumi’s snarky attitude always got him feeling very tingly, without fail. “Why, yes, my dear Illu-chan~, my, my, how forgetful of me~.”

Illumi let go of a breath that he didn’t know that he was holding. That was cutting it close. He had to be very wary of his actions henceforth.

Hisoka watched Illumi’s flawless stirring of the ladle, occasionally scooping out the whitish liquid and smelling it. Unbeknownst to Hisoka, who couldn’t cook to save his life, Illumi was trying really hard to not mess up in a single step of cooking the porridge, since he believed that Hisoka thought him to be some sort of a master chef.

_After this, I have to start to gain his trust, or rather, not lose any more of it than I should. I really need his cooperation in finding the culprit who did this to me and to get me back home. That’s 2 things I owe him now._

“The porridge is done,” Illumi announced.

The colour slowly drained from Hisoka’s face. It would have been a funny scene if he wasn’t the target. There was absolutely no way that Illumi would force him to eat this…concortion, would he?

But this was Illumi, and an Illumi without expressions, so Hisoka was unable to glean specific emotions from his boyfriend’s face that resembled guilt or remorse.

He was on the losing end of the stick.

“…Illu-chan, surely there must be some other way to do this. Why, I’ve already forgotten the reason why you’re even cooking this, haven’t you~?”

“You fell sick after eating my eggs. So, this porridge was made to nourish you back to health.” Illumi replied robotically. _He can try to worm his way out, but I definitely won’t let him. I have a feeling that the Illumi of this world would have done the same…_

“I-Is that so?! Well, Illu-chan, my dear, you will rejoice when I tell you that I am wonderfully, completely cured just by standing next to you, my sweet~. You are the only medicine I shall ever need when I’m thrown into disarray by illnesses. You are the only thing keeping me alive as I brave the dark, stormy terrain of diseases. You are the only- mmph!” A spoon filled with disgusting liquid was shoved into his mouth, effectively cutting him off.

“Shut up and eat it. Gosh, don’t you ever stop talking, I swear, you’re giving me migraines and I don’t even get migraines.” Illumi sighed. _I have a huge hurdle to cross if I ever want to cooperate with this nitwit._

“I would rather you shove something else into me- mmph!” Another one goes down the hatch and he was soon gasping for air. Illumi was really too rough sometimes.

“Enough of that, I don’t want to hear anything else coming from that mouth of yours.”

“That wasn’t what you were saying last night either- mmph!”

_Dear God, help me not kill this bastard._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this chapter is short as well, I am having troubles with my writing recently, writer's block is a big pain and I'm not sure how this fic is going to turn out anymore, I've sort of lost track of it. Give me a while to balance it out first and hopefully this fic will shape itself again. Thank you all for your patience and support in this fic, I'm always so happy whenever I get notifications on kudos and/or comments on this, it really makes me happy that you guys are enjoying it!
> 
> As always, do comment your thoughts on this fic and leave a kudos if you like what you're reading! I'll see you guys in the next update.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Illumi almost gives himself away twice. Hisoka's suspicions continue and there's a spicy-but-not-that-spicy scene close towards the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How are we folks? Still alive? Well, here's to hoping that you won't be by the end of this chapter *winks*
> 
> I'm kidding, I'm kidding, there's no way my story could impact you guya that much.
> 
> Anyway, here's a fairly long chapter for you guys to feast your eyes upon ehe, while waiting for the next one. 
> 
> I hope that you guys will enjoy this chapter and I'll see you guys in the end notes.

The morning light came in through the blinds unannounced, making Illumi wish that he still had his needles so that he could teach the Sun a lesson.

He rolled over, groaning. His stomach was growling but Illumi ignored it. Strange, hunger pains seemed to affect him more now that he was in this world. Could it be that his body was degraded as well, other than his reflexes?

**What if he was no longer immune to poisons and electricity now?** Shit, that was a possibility too.

Or maybe it was a reality. He suddenly remembered spending time in the toilet after ingesting the eggs. The Illumi back home would never have to do that; food that was spoiled for years couldn’t even leave a lasting impression on him, let alone burnt eggs.

Oh dear. Oh dear indeed.

Hisoka started to stir next to him and he was reminded of why he wanted to kill Hisoka, for the tenth time. He felt smooth skin on his back and mentally reminded himself to behead him after breakfast.

“My my, Illu-chan, waking up so early~. It’s rather unlike you~.” Hisoka trailed a sharp fingernail down Illumi’s spine, making the latter shiver involuntarily.

So, the Illumi of this world sleeps in. Got it.

“The light blinded me,” Illumi rubbed his eyes and yawned. “Why are **you** up so early then?” He grumbled.

“Ah~, did you forget, my dear Illu-chan. There’s school today, so we must get ready~, you don’t want the lecturer to think about the reasons why we are late now, do you~? I remember that the last time was not a very ideal sight~,” Hisoka chuckled, reminiscing about the time when both the lecturer and Ilumi had faces that were as red as fire engines when he was done with his tale on why he and Illumi were late for their lecture.

That was enough to make him chuckle for days. And punished, by Illumi when they got back home. The punishment was **so** worth it, in his opinion.

_School? What school? Do they go to school? _Illumi froze, staring wide-eyed at the dresser.

_What school? I have to go to school? What?_

“I am not going to this…school, or whatever it is that you meant,” he huffed.

“Whatever do you mean, my dear Illumi, it’s a lecture. We can’t possibly miss a lecture; it would haunt our grades for days~. Your words, by the way, not mine.”

“I’ve never said something as atrocious like that. I’ve never even attended school, what do you-” Illumi stopped, realizing that he should have probably kept that last bit of information to himself.

Too late. Hisoka’s gleaming eyes were fixated upon him as he turned over to meet the wolfish gaze.

“What did you say, Illu-chan~?” Fuck.

“Nothing.” Was Illumi’s curt reply as he pushed himself off the comfy bed and started dressing. Hisoka’s golden orbs followed his every movement like a wolf and Illumi felt their presence like a slimy layer of skin that he could not peel off.

It was disgusting.

“Could you please refrain from looking at me like that, thank you very much. It’s disgusting and I certainly do not appreciate it.”

“Ooh~, I will, I will~. But first, why don’t you expand on whatever you were saying before~? Hmm~, something along the lines of ‘I don’t go to school’?” Hisoka shifted onto his elbows, his watchful eyes never once leaving Illumi’s figure.

“That was nothing, it was nothing. Please ignore it.”

“Ooh~, my dear Illu-chan, there is simply no way that I can ignore something as important as this~. I was concerned about your weird behavior yesterday and it seemed like it’s degrading. Have you knocked your head on something? Your memory losses seemed to be becoming worse as the days pass. Shall I bring you to a doctor~?”

“There is nothing for you to worry yourself about. It’s simply a slip of the tongue, I did not mean it. You should really start to prepare; we have to leave soon.”

_Please drop it, please drop it, please drop it._

“Hmm~, ok, I believe you~,” Hisoka shrugged and got up, leaving Illumi speechless. _Did he fall for it?_

Illumi is hiding something, Hisoka was sure of that. There was absolutely no way that he misheard the school part, he definitely said something about not attending school. Which was weird, because Hisoka had known him since middle school. He remembered an Illumi with an emo-haircut running around the field, chasing him as he made off with his prized possessions. He remembered an Illumi who sulked whenever he was served with carrots, his most-hated food of all time. ‘Only the devil would eat it’, he so often declared.

But most of all, he remembered hiding behind the school walls, kissing the warm lips of a pliant Illumi beneath him, writhing in pleasure and moaning ever so often. It was then he found out that Illumi was very…vocal about what he liked and what he didn’t, which was a sharp contrast to how he normally is in his day-to-day life.

So why did Illumi claim that he had never gone to school before in his life?

There was something that he was hiding, and Hisoka is definitely going to find out what. It’s too suspicious for him to ignore, despite what Illumi wanted him to do.

All he has to do now is to play his cards right, make Illumi slip out more secrets, then he can corner him with them. It may seem manipulative and evil, but it was necessary. Some could call it a necessary evil, Hisoka mused.

_I’m going to unmask whatever shit you’ve been trying to hide, Illumi. For all I know, you aren’t even Illumi and are instead, some impostor trying to steal my boyfriend’s identity. You can bet on it._

~♠~

“…Are you cooking the eggs again?” Hisoka peered around the wall separating the kitchen from the dining area. He couldn’t help but be suspicious of this Illumi cooking his meals; he had had first-hand experience of how terrible it was. First the brown eggs, then the ginger porridge, who could blame him?

“Yes.” Illumi’s reply was firm as he turned on the electric stove with one swift push. After cooking several meals, he was getting accustomed to the eclectic technologies in the modern room. He was more than capable of frying up a couple of eggs.

“I-I see…in that case, I shall skip-”

“You will do no such thing under my watch. Now sit down at the table and wait.”

“Illu-chan-”

“I said sit.”

The oil was poured into the frying pan. There was no turning back, it seemed. Hisoka sighed and plopped himself down at the large rectangular glass table. Lord knows why they got such a huge table when most of the time, there were only 2 people using it. Maybe for parties and stuff, but ever since they moved in, there was only one real party which involved about 16 or so people, including themselves. And that was the housewarming party.

“Here you go.” Two plates were placed in front of him and Hisoka couldn’t believe his eyes.

“How did you learn so fast?” His voice filled with awe, he gazed down at two beautiful fluffy eggs sitting on the plates, one for him and one for Illumi.

“Practice.” Illumi released his hair, which was up in a messy bun while he cooked, and sat down with grace next to him.

“But the previous time, the eggs were scorched till blackness.”

“Hush. No such thing happened. Now eat.” And he was tucking away like no tomorrow.

Hisoka could only watch him with fascination at how he wielded the fork like a second hand, with only grace and mannerisms. It was like watching a royal family member eat, and for a second, he felt honoured that he was privy to such a pristine sight. It had almost seemed otherworldly, and Hisoka thanked the gods for that.

Until a thought hit him.

“Illumi doesn’t eat like that,” he murmured, almost in a trance. “He shovels food into his mouth, like any normal person.”

If he caught any indication of Illumi stiffening, he didn’t show it, still gazing with a slightly open-mouthed at the Zoldyck eating.

Illumi wiped his mouth frantically, eyes darting from Hisoka’s dazed golden eyes to his now empty plate, wishing that he could undo whatever it was that he just did. _Crap, did I just give myself away through my **eating habits**?! I will slap someone if that happened._

“…Really? Well…that’s because…I recently watched a, y’know, a medieval drama on TV! Yes, a medieval drama, it was amazing and one of the characters, no, all of them eat like royalty so I wanted to try it out. Yes, that’s why I’m eating…differently.”

Hisoka didn’t look convinced, but he still nodded. A weight had been lifted off Illumi’s chest and he steadily let go of a breath he didn’t know that he was holding. _I will not let Hisoka affect me that easily._

“Shall we head off to school then?” He deadpanned.

“Just a moment, dear Illu-chan,” Hisoka smirked, letting a finger fall lightly onto Illumi’s right cheek, making him flinch a little. He made small wiping motions before bringing said finger to his mouth and sucked on it, all while fixating his seductive gaze on Illumi’s wide ones.

Illumi felt his body growing hot, cheeks burning as he couldn’t seem to tear his gaze away from Hisoka’s dexterous tongue, licking fervently at his finger, even though it seemed clean enough already. The air slowly filled with tension, as the two men stared at one another, smouldering eyes wandering over each other as they tried to not jump out of their seats and rip each other’s clothes out.

Or in Illumi’s case, rip Hisoka’s organs out because he just couldn’t, for the life of him, figure out **how and why** was he feeling this way and what **are** those feelings.

“School…” he mumbled, trailing off as Hisoka’s tongue did a little complicated twist and Illumi found himself wishing that his finger was replaced by his member.

_What? What was that? I did not just think of that, no way._

_Wake up Illumi!_

“School,” his breath escaped as a hoarse whisper, making Hisoka smirk around his wet finger. “We have school to get to.” He didn’t want to leave his seat just yet.

“Hmm~, are you sure we need to leave that early~? The finale is not here yet~.”

Illumi pushed himself up from the chair, ragged breaths escaping him as he tore his eyes away from Hisoka’s tantalizing lips and tongue. _I. Did. Not. Just. Think. That._

“School,” he rasped once more. “School.”

It seemed like that was the only word he could utter for the rest of the day, his mind still fixated on that borderline annoying yet sexy scene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiiiii, so how are we feeling? Dead yet? I hope not...
> 
> So, who's excited for HisoIllu school scene? I know I ammmmmmm
> 
> As mentioned in my other HxH fic, A Different Fate, I'm on Twitter and I've devised an update system, along with snippets of upcoming chapters and my thoughts on writing them. It's pretty new, the system, so if you follow me, then you'll notice that my previous tweets are mostly about One Direction and it's members (which I stan so hard) and also some HxH tweets. So if you want early spoilers (hehe) about the fics 'A Different Fate' and 'MLFTOS' and subsequent fics, as well as my lousy thoughts while writing them and others, do follow me on Twitter! And also cause I want to chat with you guys there!
> 
> Twitter: @ClexaLive
> 
> As always, do leave your thoughts on this chapter below, I'm very interested to hear about them, and leave a kudos if you enjoyed it! I'll see you guys in the next update (and on Twitter, if you follow me :D)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> New characters, both OC and non-OC are introduced. One may play a part in later chapters, one may not. Illumi get pissed at Hisoka (what's new, am I right?) and something surprising happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been quite a while guys, hope you guys haven't ran away yet 😁
> 
> I'm on Tumblr now! Come find me there to talk about Hisogon, Hisoillu and HxH in general! My username is @cslof. Follow me on Twitter as well, I give out exclusive updates on my fics and we can talk more there too and be friends 🤗🤗 I always want to make friends with people in the same fandom as me. Username for Twitter is @HandLruinme.
> 
> I hope you guys will enjoy the chapter and I'll see you guys in the end notes below.

“Who the hell are ya?” A pink-haired girl stared straight at Illumi with a disapproving glance.

“Machi~, you forgot him? Has it really been so long? It’s Illumi, dear Illu-chan~, remember? You used to gang up with me to tease the hell out of him~, ahh~, fun times~.” Hisoka murmured, staring up into the sky, a vacant look adorning his eyes.

_She’s the girl from the Troupe, the one next to Chrollo. She’s here too huh? Not much of a surprise, seeing as everyone is here in this world. Seemed like she’s the same everywhere, just like Hisoka. Hmm, how boring._

Machi’s eyes widened slightly as she took in his appearance again. “Is that so? His hair looks different than I remember.”

“My, Machi, if you really like someone you would remember their face and not their hair~.” Hisoka chuckled, sneaking a glance at Illumi’s impassive face.

_I should try to fit in more, only if it would make Hisoka less suspicious. _

“You wound me,” Illumi replied flatly, trying his hand at Hisoka’s type of jokes. Maybe that will work.

What he didn’t expect Machi to do was to cover her mouth with a strangled gasp and point at him with a shaky finger. “Did…did he just make a joke?” She whispered, not being able to trust her ears. _Illumi never jokes, just what’s going on? _She thought.

_Hmm? Was I not supposed to do that?_ Illumi spared a glance at Hisoka who also had a shocked look on his face. I must be more similar to the Illumi of this world than I initially thought. _It’s so strange, finally, I decide to do something that I would have never done back home and everyone’s reacting like I just stripped naked in public. It’s so confusing; what can I do and what can’t I do? If only there was a manual for this…_

“Did I say something wrong?” His face remained impassive.

“Are you sure it’s him? Illumi never jokes like that. Heck, does he even know the meaning of the word?” Machi said.

“I can assure you, 100%, that this is Illumi. Though, why he would make this joke is beyond me, I must admit.” Hisoka placed a finger under his chin, his eyes contemplative.

_Strike one._

“I apologise if I startled anyone,” Illumi drawled. It’s plenty obvious that both parties were shocked at his previous statement. “I shall try to keep myself in check.”

Hisoka, however, had a whole different idea.

“No, no, my dear Illu-chan. I would rather die than keep you from being yourself around us. Go ahead, fly, be free~! I shan’t be the one to stop you, my love~.” He spread his arms in a grand gesture, inciting groans from both Illumi and Machi.

“I’m leaving,” Machi growled, standing up and stalking away.

“Please, I beg, take me with you, before I perish with him,” Illumi said dryly, his eyes rolling till only his whites could be seen.

“Illumi! You really know how to hurt my feelings.” Hisoka placed a hand on his heart and groaned, pretending to be a wounded animal.

“Suck it up.”

“Oh~, you know just how to make me hard~.”

~♥~

“Mr Morow and Mr Zoldyck. To what do I owe the pleasure of seeing you bastards late for class? Again.” Professor Dick (I’m not kidding, that’s really his name) drawled, his cold grey eyes drilling a hole into Illumi’s forehead.

“Sir~, if I may-”

“No, you may not, Hisoka. Leave this to me before you convince him that we were fucking in the restroom. Again.” Illumi whispered harshly, making the students nearby glance at them with wide eyes and Hisoka to chuckle.

“Gotten back your memories now, have you darling~? Finally, and I was beginning to get worried~.”

“Just shush! I. Will. Handle. This.” Illumi punctuated each word of the last sentence with sharp hand gestures.

“Ohh~, handle this like how you handled my c-”

Furiously turning back to face the professor, Illumi ignored the burning feeling in his chest and tried his best to speak with a steady voice, “Sir, apologies for being tardy,” he could distinctly hear Hisoka snickering behind him at the use of the word ‘tardy’ and prayed that he would shut up. “Mr Morow and I were merely tidying up some stuff and loose ends of our…homework before coming in. We were under the impression that class starts at 9am today which is why we took our time. Apologies, once again, for we had lost track of time. May we take our seats now?”

It was going fine. The professor had a clear look of respect for Illumi’s words. He was about to dismiss both of them to their seats. It was going fine.

Until Hisoka decided to open his god-forsaken mouth.

“By stuff, Illumi means me. And by tidying, Illumi means that we fu-” Illumi vowed to himself that he would buy a needle from the nearest store and sew up Hisoka’s fucking mouth.

~♠️~

After the class, Illumi stormed out of the door as soon as the professor gave the green light. Following behind him was a whiny Hisoka who begged for Illumi to shower him with just a bit of affection. Kind of like a lost puppy, if you will. Illumi, however, has absolutely no intention of giving Hisoka what he wants, what with him spouting nonsense about them fucking to the whole class when it wasn’t even true.

“Oh, dear sweet Illu-chan, you know that I didn’t mean whatever I said just now. You can’t still be pissed about whatever happened at the beginning of the class, right? Illu-chan? Illumi?”

Illumi kept walking.

“Oh Illumi, you’re going to break my heart like that. Please talk to me. You can hit me, scold me, anything! As long as you talk to me, please!”

Illumi paused and turned around to face Hisoka, who he could see was nearly close to tears. This struck Illumi as odd and rather shocking. The Hisoka back in his world would rather die than let anyone see him cry like this. This Hisoka, however, was content to stand in the middle of a crowded hallway and shed tears down his face like it was nothing. Like it wasn’t shameful.

It was.

“I’m going to go to the restroom. Don’t bother following me. Go to the cafeteria, if they have one, and find a good seat. You’ll be more useful that way.”

With that, Illumi stalked off, leaving a brokenhearted Hisoka behind.

~♠️~

Cool water dripped down his face as Illumi stared wearingly at himself in the mirror. His mirror self seemed drained of energy and life, much like how Illumi was feeling right now. His black onyx eyes were devoid of emotion, something Illumi was a little proud of as it reminded him of how he was back home. Cold, ruthless, a killing machine.

He clutched at his chest, feeling the bony planes jut right under his fingertips. His muscles were gone; he looked like a walking skeleton. Has it always been this way, ever since he came to this world? Or was this a recent development?

He scratched at his chest repeatedly, trying to dig a hole through it to get to the gnawing pain deep inside. A bit of worry seeped into him; was this occurring because of an illness? Should he go seek a doctor? Hisoka would drag him to the hospital if he hears about this.

Hisoka.

Illumi had mixed feelings when it came to that man. On one hand, he was not the…associate that Illumi had known for years. That Hisoka was on a whole other level than this one. This Hisoka seemed like how his Hisoka would be had he grown up in a more normal setting.

_Oh_, his heart jested, _so now Hisoka is yours hmm?_

“Shut up,” Illumi told it.

Great, so now he was speaking to himself in a public restroom, where anyone could just come in and hear him. Just great.

_I need to get a grip on myself. It’s been days since I’ve arrived at this world and I still have no idea what happened, who did it and how I’m going to go back. I have to start looking for clues or something, I can’t keep living my life here like everything’s normal. I owe it to myself and the Illumi of this world. If I’m here, that means that he’s probably in my world. I have to get him back here, God knows he can’t live the life I’ve lived, he won’t even last a day._

As if the universe was thinking along the same line as him, a sudden flash of light engulfed Illumi’s senses and he raised his arms instinctively to shield himself from the bright light. He squinted through the small gap between his arms, but he could see nothing but the light.

The light was not diminishing and Illumi’s growing curiosity got the better of him as he took little steps towards it. What could be the one causing it? Or who?

Every step he took caused a wave of oppression to flood over him. His legs shook, his eyes watered, but he still kept going. It wasn’t in his Zoldyck blood to retreat, not even in the face of true danger.

But what, or who, could be doing this? Be the cause of the overpowering light? Illumi was unable to think of anything much right now.

The light suddenly diminished and Illumi found himself standing in front of a dirty toilet bowl with the smell of ammonia reeking from it. There was nothing out of the ordinary, which made it weird. Could the light be coming from the toilet bowl itself? That should not be possible; there was nothing important about that smelly bowl, is there?

What if there is?

Illumi bent over the toilet cautiously. There was nothing sitting inside of it, though. Not that Illumi **wished** there was. Where did the light come from then?

His hand reached out instinctively and brushed against the seat of the dirty ass toilet bowl; Illumi had no idea what the hell he was thinking about then. It seemed to do the trick and he saw a whole bunch of white before fading to black.

He could still remember now; his last thought then was ‘Will Hisoka come to look for me?’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if the ending is abrupt, I'm still trying to figure some general stuff out of this fic, hopefully it will get better in the future chapters...
> 
> Thank you guys for all your support for this fic, I really appreciate it everytime I see comments and kudos on this fic, it just really warms my heart that yall like reading it :))))
> 
> Hisoka's such an ass isn't he? 🤣🤣🤣
> 
> As always, do leave your thoughts on this chapter in the comment section and leave a kudos if you're enjoying the story so far! I'll see you guys on Twitter, Tumblr and/or the next update *winks*


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Illumi is stuck in his own purgatory state. Painful memories part one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not dead guys, I'm alive! I passed my driving theory test!! Hooray! That was the only reason why I've been away for so long haha
> 
> Thank you guys for all the support on this fic again! Do check out my other HxH fic, A Different Fate, primarily shipping Hisoka x Gon, if you're into that. 
> 
> You can find me on twitter at @HandLruinme and on tumblr at @cslof (Hisogon/Illu trash), if you wanna talk Hisogon and Hisoillu :))
> 
> Enjoy this chapter and I'll see you guys in the end notes section.

“To think that you call yourself a Zoldyck,” A voice called Illumi from deep within his brain.

“What do you want from me?” He replied.

“To think that you ‘re the eldest of the family. Your parents must be so disappointed in you, you’re weak.” The voices continued.

“I- No stop it. Please, that’s not-”

“Not true?” The voices laughed, “oh, honey, everything we’re saying is true. You just don’t want to believe it.”

“No…I’m not…I want to go back home.”

“Go back to mummy and daddy so they can hug you and pretend that everything’s ok? So they can coddle you like a little baby? So you can pretend that you didn’t fuck anything up?” The voices continued laughing. “Poor little Illumi, so weak, such a crybaby. He needs his mummy to protect him from everything in the world because he’s not strong enough to face the truth.”

Illumi’s head hurt and he wished with all his might that they would stop. But they didn’t.

“Look at you,” one of them sneered. “You think that you’re so big, huh? You’re only acting like that because you know that no matter what, there will always be one person who will stand up for you. Well, you’re wrong.”

“Ooh, look who I found,” Illumi’s head throbbed with a dull ache, memories of Hisoka rising up through his memories. Even though he fought so hard to push them down, more kept rising and the voices laughed even harder.

“So, this is the man who made you delusional? This is him? Haha, he looks like a clown!”

“He probably acts like one, seeing how he likes someone like him!”

Illumi shook his head vehemently, “He’s…he’s not…he doesn’t like me…no one likes me.”

“Oh, sweetie, of course you’re right! No one likes you, even him. He only tolerates you, you know,” the voices made a pitying sound.

Illumi shivered. “He…he doesn’t like me none…no one does…they don’t either, I’m worthless…”

The voices cackled. “Finally, he sees sense!” One of them crooned. Illumi crouched, his arms raised above his head as if the words were knives poking at him.

“I…I want to go home…” he whispered, hoping that the voices did not catch it, but they did.

“Go home? Go home, he says,” they cackled further. “My dear sweet boy, this IS your home. This is where degenerates like you should stay, forever!”

Ilumi’s eyes widened. What? That can’t be it. He’s stuck here forever? Or at least until someone saves him?

But who will come to save him? His mind flashed a memory of Hisoka’s smile but it quickly faded. No…no one will come for him, not even him. There was no way that Hisoka would even know where Illumi had gone, even if he’d been at the restroom that Illumi said he was at. Will the light flash for him? Probably not, seeing as he wasn’t their target.

No one’s coming for Illumi.

“Who…are you?” His voice a hoarse whisper, Illumi raised his head a little but there were no corporeal beings that he could see. They were all in his head.

“Sweet sweet boy…” Pity rose from the voices in his head. “He still couldn’t understand yet, how else can we make it easier to explain…?”

“Ooh, I know,” one of the voices chuckled, “maybe we can show him. After all, showing is easier than telling, isn’t it?”

Before Illumi could protest, he was thrust into a spiral of old memories.

*

_Look at that, the voices whispered._

_Illumi’s eyes were fixed on a young boy wearing a kimono with hair tied back in a traditional Japanese hairdo. The boy was holding a box of needles carefully laid out in a horizontal line. His eyes were black onyx, stoic and emotionless. It was scary for a little boy to have that kind of gaze, but it was a necessary evil for all Zoldycks. _

_“His eyes are too big, they’ll see everything!” His mother’s screams echoed in the dream-like world. The scene changed and Illumi found himself staring into the black eyes of a little toddler. The eyes were wet with tears, but the toddler made no crying sound. His parents were standing beside him, one on each side, so he heard their bickering loud and clear. The voices were snickering and making snide comments but he paid them no mind._

_“He’s my son, and the heir. I won’t let him be anything less than a perfect assassin,” his father’s deep voice rumbled. He was the heir, and he was perfect. _

_A perfect killing machine._

_The scene changed again, and he found himself looking into the eyes of a boy, no more than 5. His eyes still held emotions; he wasn’t a machine yet. The boy was aiming a pistol with a silencer attached to it at a bulls-eye target. His father was standing in front of the target, shirtless, his muscles rippling in the moonlight. _

_“Shoot me,” his father rumbles, and Illumi watches the boy shake like a leaf. _

_“I…I can’t…you’ll die,” the boy weeps and Illumi felt a pang in his heart. He remembered being so scared to kill his father, his role model. Watching him bleed to death from a weapon in his hands haunted his nightmares for years on. _

_Watching the scene unfold between his eyes, Illumi wanted to step forward, protect the little boy with all his strength and heart. The gun contains paintball bullets, not real ones, he cried. _

_But the boy couldn’t hear him. This was only a memory after all. _

_“Shoot me,” his father repeated. The boy shook even harder, his gun wobbling like a jelly. He swallowed and determination filled his eyes. Illumi watched his father shake his head slightly. The boy had disappointed him again. He wasn’t able to hide his emotions properly, couldn’t lift a finger to kill his ‘target’, the list goes on and on. He wasn’t fit for the heir now, Illumi heard his father think. He couldn’t be the heir, not after all the weaknesses he had just displayed in front of his ‘target’. That’s right, his father was no longer his father in this case; he was only a ‘target’. The boy let his feelings for his father get to his head and cloud his judgment. _

_They needed a new heir. _

_The finality in his father’s thoughts made Illumi’s heart sink. He had known that his father had changed his mind about him after this fateful night. When he had woke up next morning, his room was decorated just like how it was when he was a toddler. Some soft toys lined up next to his bed, dark stars pasted all around his walls, depicting a picture of him being under a starry night sky. _

_He had thought, as a child, that his father was being nice to him for a little while before he had to grow up and move out of his room after a few years. But that hadn’t been the case. Till to this day, Illumi had stayed in this childish room of his, never asking for an upgrade even though he felt weird sleeping in a room designed for a little boy as a fully-grown adult. _

_Now he knew the truth. He knew why his father had carried on having kids with his mother, trying to bear the perfect heir to replace him. He knew why his father never looked at him in the eyes since then, probably afraid to see the disappointment and anger in his son’s eyes. He knew why none of the butlers came to ask him to move out of his childish room. While they had done it to his siblings, as per his father’s orders._

_Illumi finally knew the truth, and it hurt. It hurt to think that he was ever that weak, it hurt to think that he had disappointed the only person in the world, aside from his grandfather, that he had truly looked up to. It hurt that his father had given up on his firstborn so easily, as if he was some favourite toy that got broken, tossed into the attic and never to be seen again._

_That was when Illumi knew, deep in his heart, that he had failed his father again. He had felt the hurt piercing through his heart, and that was an emotion. Zoldycks were not allowed to have emotions. He always had difficulties shielding them from his parents, who are very perspective and sharp, ever since he was young. _

_His eyes were too big._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope it wasn't too angsty for you guys haha. It's only gonna get worse.
> 
> What did you think about this chapter? Let me know about your thoughts on this chapter below! Do leave a kudos if you're enjoying it so far, it makes my day to see a notification that someone has left a kudos and/or comment on my fics!
> 
> Thank you guys for all your support again and I'll see you guys in the next chapter!
> 
> P.S In case you didn't see it on top, you can find me on twitter at @HandLruinme and on tumblr at @cslof (Hisogon/Illu trash), if you wanna talk Hisogon and Hisoillu :))


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